Medical Update and Christmas musings...

I just wrote out a nice long update and somehow pushed a wrong thingy and lost the whole thing.  So if this seems a little short it's because I've already written it once!!  This will no doubt be more brief.  Maybe it's just as well...  Phew!

It's been a whole month since I last chatted with you so I'll fill you in.  I did more resting and recuperating, more walking and venturing out.  I'm feeling quite well, just a little residual soreness and fatigue.  Very grateful for the good progress.  I had my first followup scan which showed no sign of cancer!!  Yep!  None.  So a few days later Don and I went for a little one-night getaway at Lake Quinault Lodge to celebrate!  It poured rain and we sat by the fire, getting up only for meals and to have a quick game of pingpong.  

We are so very thankful for everyone who helped us...in large and small ways, who prayed and visited and cooked food and cleaned the house and, and, and!  And we are so grateful to God for pouring out that Peace that just doesn't make sense at a time like this.

And now...Christmas is coming.  I woke up the other day just feeling sad.  I sat there in the sadness for a couple of hours (you know how that is) trying to figure out why and then trying to figure out who to blame! (Ha!)  Then I decided to actually TALK about it with Don.  Amazing thing about talking.  For me it really helps bring clarity.  Here's what became clear to me.

I've struggled with Christmas for a long, long time.  Its been one of those nameless things that was definitely there in my heart but with family, kids, activities, busyness, gifts, blah, blah...it was sort of a silent struggle.  And as I talked with Don I realized the struggle wasn't about doing stuff or buying stuff or going somewhere or about the trappings of Christmas vs. the birth of Jesus.  it was a wound in my heart that's been there since I was a little girl.  I won't go into all that we talked about but I'll just tell you
there comes the time when you can make a choice.  I came to that point.  My choice was to see the wound for what it has been and choosing to my newfound clarity over my old confusion.  This has been a long time coming.  I'm 73 for heaven's sake!  But also... it's never too late to do things differently.  And it's nothing external...it's all internal.  So I'll look the same and sound the same when you see me.  But internally...ahhh.  That's different.  I love it that we have this story-resolving ability available to us when the time is right.  I think that's one of the reasons Jesus came.  Freedom.

Blessings on you all...

Learning to be proactive and my prayer for Christina

Good morning!  It's been awhile, I know.  I suppose I could have written something mundane during these last few weeks but, honestly, my brain just couldn't come up with anything worth putting down in black and white.  A lame excuse, I know.

It's been a continuation of what the last few months have been...resting, ...well, resting.  I'm so grateful for all the prayers, visits, phone calls, cards, flowers and food with which we've been lavished.  Hard to imagine going through this without our family and community.  In addition to resting quite a bit I'm starting to take on some little chores around the house, take longer walks -- I've even gone to Costco (that was an adventure even with help) and Goodwill!  

This is my "learning to be proactive" story.  This morning I had a CT scan, prior to our next trip to the dr. in Seattle on Nov. 20.  Since my last scan was so difficult I forewarned the necessary people before I went in.  (I learned they call me a "hard stick").   What a difference!  The technician (Rob) told me he was a "veteran", that a nurse was standing by with the ultrasound machine (to find a suitable vein) in case he had trouble -- they were ready.  I did my part by staying warm and drinking lots of water beforehand.  It was beautiful.  Quick, painless, done!  I also told  Rob there were people praying this morning and he said, "Good!"

I grew up during a time when the family doctor knew you so well you rarely had to be proactive, and it just wasn't a normal thing to do.  You just trusted they knew what to do and would do it.  This was a long time ago, mind you.  Penicillin wasn't in common use until I was 5 or so!  Hard to believe, I know.  Also, people died a lot younger!  When medical care began to change it was a challenge to switch to having a proactive mindset, where you're the one who gets things to happen, not your doctor, where you understand you have choices -- but I'm getting better and better at it.  

Another thing I've learned these last few weeks is when the dr. says it'll take at least 6 weeks to recuperate...emphasize the "at least"!  Especially when you're an older chick.  AND...it takes a village.  I've learned to bless people by receiving their gifts of love gladly.  

I'm mindful of my dear friend, Christina Nevill, who delivered little Isaiah by C-Section 10 days ago and now this week will have her 3rd brain surgery to remove malignant tumor.  My heart is with her and her husband Doug and baby Isaiah...and all who are walking by their side through this.  God says, "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "They are plans for good and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope.  In those day when you pray, I will listen."  That's Jeremiah 29:11.  

Recovery going as expected...

I told a friend the other day that recovering from abdominal surgery is NO PICNIC!  I don't know what I was expecting...really.  I know what the drs. told me to expect but -- you know, I never have believed it would be as challenging as they have said!  Denial?  They said I'd have good days and not-so-good days.  How right they were.  Right now I'm recovering from a not so good day AND NIGHT.  Aren't nights the worst?  On this particular night I was laying in bed at about 11 pm thinking there was a very long night ahead of me and wondering how I could make it a little more comfortable.  I thought and thought until midnight and made my plan.  I quietly got up without disturbing my sleeping husband, grabbed my special pillow, my fleecy pj's from the closet, went to the living room where I retrieved my comfort blanket (yes, indeed), a fresh bottle of water, two Tylenol, two throw pillows (just in case) and proceeded to my corner where my recliner is.  I arranged myself in the most comfy possible way, and stayed there all night.  I actually slept!  I don't know if it was the Tylenol, the pillows, the recliner or my mental state but I was so thankful that, even though I was awake a bit and rearranging all my pillows frequently, I slept.  What a gift it is to be able to sleep.

I've always been a good sleeper!  Even when our kids were very small I slept, sometimes getting a little cranky when awakened.  When we'd go camping I'd know life would be so much happier if mommy slept!  I remember on a hike through the Olympics I didn't sleep for what seemed like DAYS!  It was so hard.  So, I've had enough sleeplessness to have great empathy for those who have trouble sleeping.  God Bless You!  And in the meantime I'm giving much thought to how to rest well, take care of my healing body.  I'm giving myself permission to let the "ought-to's" of life just fall away.  I've never liked them much anyway--   

Yesterday at the University of Washington

Yesterday Don, Becky and I drove to Seattle for an appointment with Dr. Yueng.  This appointment was to have staples removed (accomplished!) and for general followup (also accomplished).  Becky let me squeeze her hand while the staples came out.  I remember doing the same for her.  How time changes things.  Now I just have a very itchy incision.

The result of our visit was that all of the tumor has been removed along with a 3 cm margin.  That doesn't necessarily mean the cancer is gone because they're still looking for the primary site--as yet elusive to all tests.  So the next step is to wait 6 weeks, by which time I should be recovered from this surgery, get another full scan and then go back to the UW for the results.  We're just going one step at a time.

My big job now is to rest, eat, hydrate and heal.  I have lots of help with this so feel no pressure to get up and get going!

Blessings on you all.  Thanks for your continual prayers...

Becky here!  Mom wanted me to share a humorous moment from the hospital - there were many, but this was one of my favorites.  The U of W Medical Center is a teaching hospital, so you don't have one doctor you have whole teams of doctors who come visiting.  The leader of the Pain Team is a French man who pushes a wheeled cart with a computer monitor on it in front of him wherever he goes. I don't know what else he has under the computer monitor but I picture some devices that he uses to cause pain.   He wears heavy black framed glasses, wears a white lab coat and speaks with a VERY heavy accent.  All his little Pain Team minions follow behind like little ducks.  One day he arrived pushing his little cart with the rest of the pain team following behind, he was wearing a mask which just added to the bizarre scene - I guess he was feeling under the weather.  He said "We are zeh pen tem", and all of a sudden I had a Peter Sellers moment.  I started laughing and felt bad, I didn't want to insult anyone but I couldn't help it!  It felt like a Peter Sellers or Mel Brooks movie.  He looked at me and I apologized and explained why I found it so funny and I'm so sorry but I cant help laughing, then HE started laughing too!  He played along and said "We are zeh pen tem, we are here to cause you pen, and we LIKE it!"  It was awesome.  :) 

Second Day Home

This is my second day back home.  Thanks to all of you who have played such an important part in this last week--before, during and after surgery.  Your presence, your prayers and messages have been a huge encouragement to me.  As Tammy said in the previous message, everything went as expected.  We will have our post-operative mtg. with the surgeon next Tuesday where I'll also have my stapes removed.  There are lots of them!

What made this experience so amazing and memorable to me have been the people and all the highs and lows.  

Some of the people...Earl, my ICU nurse:  His words when something went well--and they went well a lot were, "Super Duper!".  He was fabulous.  Stayed flexible when visitors came pouring in and he still managed to do his very important job.  The nurses and Patient Care Technicians on the surgical ward:  Their job was to take care of me and educate me.  What an amazing group of men and women.  They listened, repeated as often as I needed (and, believe me, I needed a lot of repitition) and kept Becky and Don informed--day and night.

I haven't been able to read, listen to music (except for a hospital channel that had a nature slide show with music), or much else.  Becky and Don read to me but I had trouble staying awake.  This is the first time I could attempt to write on my blog and have some confidence it would make sense.  I've stopped the heavy drugs, though, so am thinking more clearly and feeling stronger.  Abdominal surgery is no picnic.

I'd love your prayers that I'd be able to eat (swallow) more easily and that my throat would clear up so I can talk more easily.   It's all part of recovery for me.  Trusting, resting, listening...     

  

Surgery update

Hi all!  This is Tammy, Myrna asked me to update this blog for her while she's in the hospital.  Surgery went GREAT!  The surgeon removed the offending tumor on her liver and also removed her gall bladder.  She is currently residing in the ICU at the UW Medical Center.  They will keep her there overnight and then move her to another room for a few days.

Myrna and her pain relief button

I got to go in and see her and she looked FABULOUS!  Actually, quite beautiful.  And she was her perky self.  The nurses are, of course, enjoying her.  :)  I think the term was, "She's a riot!"  Is that right, Don?  Something like that.

Myrna also wanted me to let you know that her DREAM came TRUE!  And that my interpretation was correct.  :)  She was partying with God in the operating room, while God was filling Don with peace in the waiting room.  I love how God works!  

Gearing up for action... and my crazy dream

Yesterday was a very long day.  We drove to Seattle for our 2:15 appt. with my surgeon, then a 4:30 appt. with an anesthesia nurse, then a quick stop at the lab while they uneventfully (!) drew about 6 little tubes of my blood, quick stop at the coffee shop, back in the car, arrived home at 9 p.m.--full of information and quite exhausted!  It was a good day.

Our daughter, Karen, met us at the Surgery Pavillion and did a wonderful job keeping us going, asking good questions when the time came and took excellent notes--with color coding!  We are so blessed by our very grown up children.

So here's the plan--for those of you who like such things!   Tomorrow we drive BACK to Seattle and check in to our little hotel where I'll spend only the first night but it will be available for Don and Becky during my rather long hospital stay.  We'll then drive to SeaTac and pick up Becky, who is flying in from Virginia.  The UW provides for a cot in my room so someone can be with me day and night.  Very comforting.

I'll go to the UW bright and early Friday morning (6:15 a.m.) after having taken my kill-all-germs shower--which basically means I won't sleep at all but that's ok.  My surgery will take 4-6 hours. They are removing the large tumor from my liver, removing my gall bladder, and if necessary (if they find the primary cancer site while checking) they'll remove a portion of my small intestine.  I'll spend the first night in the ICU--all tubed up.  My total hospital stay will be 5-7 days.  Everyone coming and going has to wash their hands and if you have a cold you have to wear a mask.  I'll be in a protective bubble!  There you have it...the sanitized version of what is to come!  I'm told it's a good idea to bring my own robe and slippers.  Think I need to go shopping.  Don't you agree?  

We have so much to do.  It's like leaving home for a week-long trip.  Clean out the fridge, go to the dump (yay), stop the mail, pack for hospital/hotel room, etc., etc.  At one point the anesthesia nurse asked me how I felt about this surgery.  I told her I was EXCITED to have it done!  I AM!  The surgery will be very grueling but I will be so glad to be on the other side of it looking back...and I'm so, so looking forward to see what God might do that is unexpected.  He always gifts me with surprises.  

Now I have to tell you about my dream.  
I am a big fan of good parties.  I love the joy, dancing, conversation, food, good beverages.  A good party just makes me happy.  So my dream was this.  I was at the surgery center where I've been going.  I was there for an appointment, Don was with me.  Everything was normal.  Then I noticed things were shifting--a whole different atmosphere took over.  More people started to come in and then the counters where you check in turned in to these long bars where the people who normally check you in were handing out "beverages", making yummy appetizers and handing them out, music was playing--it was very danceable, toe-tapping music.  I was enjoying myself!  Very fun atmosphere.  I looked around for Don and finally discovered him.  He had found a bank of file cabinets, the top of which was about the size of a twin bed.  And he was stretched out sound asleep.  My dream went on all night long off and on.  Don never woke up--he was so comfy, I kept partying.  And I woke up with a smile on my face! 

What do you suppose could be the interpretation of this dream?  I'm still enjoying it.   




          

Having a nasty cold isn't the worst thing

Since Sunday I've had a doozie of a cold.  Believe it or not, it's not been a bad thing.  We're here in this waiting pattern, you see--waiting for life to ramp up next week toward surgery.  We're doing very well at not going crazy (er) but this cold has given me a whole new thing to concentrate on: take sudafed, drink liquids, take sudafed, blow, sneeze, cough..  It's taken my mind off my liver (I know!), which is a good thing.  Even when my mind is ON my liver though, I'm thinking, "come on, liver...  Hang in there.  Help is on the way!".

You've probably figured it out...I'm an optimist.  My brain almost always (had to qualify that) goes to whatever is positive in a situation, what good might come of it, to know it won't last forever.  It makes it easier to stay in the moment, I'm sure, than if I were a pessimist--waiting for the next shoe to drop--which sometimes it does--arriving on your doorstep in a cancer package or some other unexpected package.

This has been true my whole life. Very early I can remember having the feeling that although life was hard and difficult things happened, Someone Bigger than I was very close.  I knew I was completely loved in some deep place within--even as a child.  I had a sense that no matter what (or "what.ever") happened I would be ok.  Now, looking back from this vantage point, I believe that that  Someone was my ever-present God drawing me and then, when I came to be a follower of Jesus, the sense of His Spirit in me leading and guiding and speaking to me has never left.  What a great and wild ride it has been!  Even though at times my spiritual listening skills have been obscured by unhealed wounds, poor choices, the battle overwhelming me...even though...He has never left me and He isn't about to now.  I hang my hat on that every day. My temperament is persistent optimism.  My peace is a gift and a choice.

By the way, one of the best things when you have a cold??  A blue paper shop towel!  Love those puppies.  And just now two angels (Chuck and Soon Hee) dropped off a fresh batch of kale from their garden and two big bags of berries--and told me they are praying for me from deep in their heart.   Amazing the people that God sends to me.

I treasure you, my family and friends.  I'm praying for you from deep in my heart!

Lake Crescent Lodge

It's been so wonderful to see our kids these last few weeks.  You always wonder...if one of us got really sick how would we manage?  Well, we're just so blessed and encouraged to know that our family is ready for anything and able to step up so quickly it makes my head spin!  

We have 4 daughters and 3 sons-in-law spread out from Virginia to Alaska and Seattle and Tacoma.  They all have jobs and/or kids at home and yet...here they come.  And right now I'm feeling well enough to get out a bit and perk up life, if you know what I mean.  Susy has brought our grandaughter Ruby and "grandawg" Taco along.  And Karen brought all-grown-up Sarah.

One of our favorite places ever is the Lake Crescent Lodge.  It's so relaxing and beautiful and no matter what the weather there are great places to sit and enjoy one another and the beauty and peace around us.  So we've gone out there with Becky and this week with Debbie and Keith.  Our neice, Kristy, is coming this next weekend with our daughter, Susy, and I hope we can make it out there with them.  Such a treat!

I hope you weren't confused by my last post where I said my biopsy came out showing no cancer.  That was a biopsy done during my endoscopy of a suspicious "cluster" of polyps in my stomach.  Yes, I do still have cancer--in my liver and supposedly somewhere else yet to be discovered (the primary site).  

Now I have about 10 days to go until we go to Seattle for our pre-surgery meeting with the surgeon and anesthetist--that will be Sept. 18.  Then we go to Seattle Sept. 20 and spend the night before surgery Sept. 21.  In the meantime we have a wonderful visit to look forward to from our dear neice Kristy, coming from California, and friends here who visit and love us well.

Life is good.  God is Good.  I am full of hope--whatever.

Results...and the emotional side of Cancer

Got the results of my biopsy.  No sign of cancer.  I'm shocked and relieved and at the same time would love to find the instigator of all this cancer business.  I found this waiting period hard.  I cried, I worried, I DID NOT live in the moment.  It actually felt good to cry--afterward.  Sort of felt cleansed.  Don lived through it.  I lived through it.  I'm getting acquainted with the emotional side of having cancer.  

Yesterday I met a woman I know at Safeway.  She took one look at me and started crying!  Had to work hard to not fall apart right there by the chicken thighs.  She managed and we talked and went on with our shopping.  Isn't life weird?  It was a sweet moment.

So today to get me out of the house we went to one of my favorite places...the Port Angeles City Dump.  I remember going to the dump in the 60's with Grampa Cy's truck, backing it up to the edge of the cliff above the Straits and pushing all the trash over, ever mindful to keep from throwing oneself over with it!  

One day I saved a man's life at the dump.  This was about 15 years ago.  We were backed up to the big pile of yard waste, chatting with the other people lined up there.  Someone suddenly shouted..."Does anyone know CPR?"  I said I did and ran over to find an older man half laying in the bed of his truck not breathing.  So I jumped up there and started giving chest compressions.  His wife was standing there saying something about his having been at the ER last night for chest pains...  I just kept pumping.  Don went to the little pay booth to have someone call 911 (that was before we all had cell phones).  A Coast Guard guy rushed up about then and asked if he could help so I very happily let him take over.  The next Sunday in our local paper there was a small note in the "Rants and Raves" section from this man thanking the unknown woman who SAVED HIS LIFE at the DUMP!  

You can see why the dump always cheers me up.  God used the dump today to settle me down.
Thank you, Lord.

Waiting, waiting...

One week ago I had my "oscopy day".  They found something "interesting" in my stomach as they searched for the primary site where my cancer is originating.  So...We've been waiting for a phone call to give us the results of the biopsy and see what comes next.  I'm finding waiting quite challenging.  Let's just say I'm not smiling.

Bless you on this beautiful day...in spite of not smiling it's still beautiful.

How are you feeling?

I am asked that question a lot.  From husband to doctors to daughters to friends to strangers!  Let's see.  How am I feeling?  

This is all part of my story, you see.  Feeling.  Because of my early-childhood-years "stuff" I avoided "feeling" as much as possible.  It was much easier on my little heart to walk through life with a smile on my face and spring in my step than to actually deal with reality.  So until later in life I kept most people at a distance or sent them there if they got too close.  I know there are many women walking around today in this same situation because I've met them and have  talked with them and cried with them and laughed with them.  What a gift!  Remember how much I love stories and the freedom that comes when we truly understand them.

So when you ask me today how I'm feeling I'm delighted to tell you that I am!  Now to answer your question...  I'm feeling a little sick.  I've felt a little sick for most of a year and haven't known why.  Kind of wearing.  My body is working hard to keep my systems strong so I'm tired most of the time--sometimes more, sometimes less.  I feel kind of a dull pain that responds well to my medication.  I seem to need a lot of time in my chair kicked back, watching the birds come to the feeder, listening to the Spirit within quiet me, keeping me in the moment.

I also feel happy!  I get out every day for a walk and usually a drive somewhere and so appreciate the beauty around us here in Port Angeles and feel so privileged to live here.  I feel peaceful.  One of the big things I've learned is that we are given the great gift of Now.  I can choose all day (and all night) long to set my focus on "right here, right now" and live fully present with whomever is here, whatever is going on, no matter what my circumstance.  It is totally possible.  Since I have Jesus in my life, time spent with Him is paramount.  You may not know it when you're with me but...I'm keyed in to Him all day long.  Big subject.  Ask me about it sometime, we can chat.

Deuteronomy 30 says to "choose Life so that you and your descendants might live!"  That's what I'm doing.  All day long.  

How are YOU feeling? 

Oscopy Day...Wahoo!

We got to the hospital this morning at 6:50, got oscopied, home by 11 and on the couch sleeping off my knock-out meds.  Now it's 1:30 and I'm feeling more human by the minute.

Leading up to this day I've been aware that people were focusing on the Colonoscopy and blanking on the endoscopy.  I called the surgeon's office to make sure that little item was part of what he was prepared to do today.  I mentioned it to the nurse who was getting me ready and she actually had an order and knew he was looking for a "primary site"--the place where my cancer is originating.  Then the surgeon came in.  Asked my name, birthdate--all that and then said, "And we're doing a colonoscopy this morning".  And I said, "And an endoscopy with a biopsy".  He looked perplexed and looked at the next paper on his clipboard and nodded or something.  Don said something about there being a 6 mm polyp to biopsy...  Got that straight!

They did indeed do both procedures.  He found an "interesting" cluster at the bottom of my stomach, leading to the duodenum that had not been seen previously.  He took biopsies of that little bugger and it is now in the lab being examined.  We understand it takes 2-3 working days for the final word so he will call with the results and they'll be sent to the UW and various other places where it needs to go.  

Done with this step.  On to the next.  

We are being very spoiled by our daughter, Becky, here for a week from Virginia.  She is the most amazing cook.  I'm trying to think of a word other than "cook" because she is so much more than that.  And she goes on her morning walk up the hill by our house and brings me back little nature beauties.  Two ripe blackberries, a seed pod, a daisy, and today some beautiful bark from a madrona tree.  Life is so rich and full.  

Have a wonderful day.

As I was saying...

After our exhausting day Tuesday, I woke rested and ready!  We started working early on scheduling a colonoscopy/endoscopy, which will happen Wed. the 29th.  Our daughter, Becky, will be here from Virginia so she'll get to have a fun experience sort of vicariously!  She's totally up for it.

During the course of our appointment-making day, just when we were becoming a little frustrated at having to wait until next Wed. for something to happen, the surgeon (Dr. Yeung) called.  He had the results of Tuesday's tests (things happen faster at the UW, I think) and said the only thing they found from all my blood giving and barium drinking was a small polyp at the top of my stomach.  Thus, he requested an endoscopy for next Wed. also.  He and Don chatted for quite a while, which helped us both to relax.

One other thing I had to do yesterday was call Verizon and work out a rather large bill issue with them.  A month ago I had greatly reduced our minutes because we just weren't using nearly enough to warrant such a large number available.  Well...we received a $400 bill on Tuesday!  Yep, $400.  We had used double our allotted minutes.  We've been making and receiving a lot of calls, needless to say.  The young lady asked me a seemingly innocent question, "Has anything changed that made your minute usage go up?"  I began to say, "Yes, actually...I have been diagnosed..." and I started to CRY!  Holy Cow.  Crying with the Verizon lady.  I pulled myself together and finished my sentence and we got a little knocked off the bill and upped our minutes--how exhausting!  I prayed later for my Verizon friend.  

All this to say, Life is a never-ending adventure, emotions are running deep and bubble up at the most unexpected times.  (I even cried telling Don the Verizon story when he came home later.)  God is always Good.  I am waiting expectantly for what comes next.  And my friend Sun Hee is bring me more seaweed and Kale, which I will eat.

 

Two Big Days...

Yesterday...what a day.  And yes, yesterday was my day of recuperating from the day before.  So, get some coffee (or whatever) and I'll tell you about some of the highlights of both days.  I am meeting some amazing people and having some memorable experiences.  

So, Tuesday was the day I met with my surgeon (Dr. Yeung).  But before that happened I was "interviewed" and examined by the Chief Resident (very impressive).  By 11, when the meeting was to take place I was already tired.  Thank the Lord for my incredible support team, including Don, 2 daughters (Susy and Karen) and 2 good friends (JoDee and Christina), who hung in there ALL DAY and gave me strength and encouragement!  We all trekked into the room, leaving standing room only for the 2 drs. (they were fine with that).  And everyone listened intently, asked questions, took notes.  After we were all satisfied (and I was fried) Dr. Yeung said he needed some more tests--two to happen right then.  I needed more blood taken for testing and I needed another CT scan.  Alrighty then.

Then began my further adventure with needles.  Just so you know and can be praying for me in this regard, my body rebels at giving up blood.  I don't mind the needles at all, in fact I find it quite interesting, but there's a reverse valve reaction (very unmedical terminology) or something that I always mention to those about to enter my vein world.  Kind of me, I think...to forewarn.

So my first adventure was with a lovely Asian woman who, you could tell, knew what she was doing, approached my right arm confidently.  She pressed on my inner elbow to raise the vein.  Nothing.  She tapped.  She slapped.  She eyed the back of my hand longingly.  She slapped some more.  Then she said, "We try other arm."  She shifted the tourniquet, I made a fist, she pressed on the vein.  Then she said, "I go get a heating pad" and returned (I'm not kidding) with a blue surgical glove filled with hot water and tied off at the top!  Voila!  A heating pad!  After a couple of minutes she removed the "heating pad" and said, "OK, Now we try."  And by jingo, she got it.  Filled about 6 little tubes with my precious vital fluid.  Done.

THEN, I went for my double-header CT scan.  I call it double-header because I not only was injected with contrast, but before that could happen I had to drink a pint+ of yummy barium and two cans of gator-aide (yep).  But before I drank this yummy lunch the nurse came in to start an IV so they could inject me when the time came.  She was GORGEOUS!  She was about 6 feet tall, tan, beautiful wild curly hair, and she exuded confidence.  She looked over my arms for a good vein and spied the hole previously made by my Asian friend and said, let's try this since it worked before.  (I had warned her ahead of time.)  She also said she couldn't use a tiny needle because-well, just because.   She slipped that puppy in, got it the first time.  She and I were both relieved.  I think she was a Viking relative.

Finished with ALL of that, Don and I left the UWMC and headed home.  I ate the snacks I'd brought, managed to hang on until we had made our ferry crossing and woke up when we were in Port Angeles.  That was Tuesday.  

Wow.  This was long.  I think I'll tell you about yesterday after I have breakfast.  Can't wait or the days all become a blur and mix together.  And the stories...I love them.  Hope you're enjoying this amazing journey with me.  Blessings       

Tests, more tests...

We do not yet have a plan, but this day was an important step in getting one.  I'll keep this short and write more tomorrow because, believe it or not, I'm going to bed!  I know it's only 7:15 but bed is calling.

Here's the bottom line.  I am operable.  And more tests are needed.  The surgeon and chief resident talked with us, answered all our questions completely.  The team agreed that in order to proceed with making the best possible treatment plan they need more info.  It will be possible to remove the liver tumor and still function well.  There are many questions still remaining, the most important of which is where is the cancer originating--the primary site.  

After our meeting this morning I had more blood work and another CT scan using two different contrasts--one I drank (yummy lunch!) and one they injected.  This week I get to have a colonoscopy!  (Don't think about it too much...  hehe).  

So now we're home.  Don drove, of course, and I slept!  It was the fastest trip ever.  I must tell you more about our day, about my incredible dream team that made such a difference.  Hope you sleep well, I know I will...

Heading to the Big City

Heading over to the Big City (Seattle) today, staying overnight so we can be at the all-important appointment bright and early in the morning.  I'm told we'll come away from there after a few hours with a plan.  I have lots of emotions running around--relief (that we're taking action), sadness (that our little hiatus is interrupted), apprehension (at taking in lots of new information and remaining present in the moment)...  Can I do it?  Yes.  I'm sure of that.  I have lots of reasons for this confidence.  My Lord has never failed me yet and isn't about to do it now.  I have wonderful, strong, support going with me into this.  I can't tell you how many people are praying for me/us...  That is a huge, huge gift.   

It helps me a lot to write this out.  This is my continuing story.  I'm impressed again with the importance of telling our stories!  One of the foundational scriptures in my journey is Rev. 12:11.  It talks about the power we have to defeat the enemy (Satan) by speaking our stories.  It says, "...and the enemy is DEFEATED by the blood of the Lamb (Jesus) and by the word of our testimony (the speaking aloud of our story)".  So even as I write this out I feel the sadness and apprehension diminish and Peace become stronger.  YAY!  It's like a RESET BUTTON!  

Thanks for reading, for hanging in there with me, for praying, for encouraging.  I love to read your comments.        

Special Gifts

We've received some very special gifts--
   A dear friend who is praying specifically for our children through my cancer journey.
   Another who prays for me in the middle of the night when she answers the call of nature =)
   Little blackberries along the road where I walk.  I stop and pick a few every day, and eat  
      them right then and there.  They're usually warm from the sun.
   A huge variety of birds that visit our feeder and entertain me all day long.
   A Japanese friend who brought me seaweed she picked herself and processed and instructs
      me to eat a tablespoon morning and night.  I do.  And kale from her garden.
   Her husband who prayed such a heartfelt prayer for me with tears in his eyes.
   Children who clean and cook and talk and love us so very well.
   Grandchildren.
   The comfort of my chair that is positioned perfectly so I can look out our big windows at the
      beauty around us...or at the TV when we need mindless entertainment!  
   My little "camp" where I have everything I need within reach--you know, kleenex, phone, 
      books, pen and notepad, Bible, water, etc., etc.
   Offers of help that just keep coming... 
   Those who are always here for us.
    Visitors

I could go on and on.  Feeling very blessed.
     
 

Such interesting timing...

Such interesting timing, to crash our car the day before my cancer discovery!  Coincidence?  I think not.  Here's the story of the Gift from the Hand of God to my husband at a time he could use such a Gift.

We went to Seattle to have lunch with our girls on a Thursday.  (Cancer was discovered on Friday.)  Had a lovely time, they are so fun.  Then we wanted to stop at the Auburn Supermall (Nordstrom Rack, of course!) on our way home.  As we turned to enter the mall parking area, BAM/WHAM, a little black car came out of nowhere and struck our Zucchini (green Suzuki to you) on the passenger side right in the center between the front and back doors.  It was a shock to us all.  As we drove to a place where we could exchange information with the other driver I had this little flash of thoughts in my brain and I turned to Don and shared them...  "I think this is about much more than wrecking our car.  There's more going on."  Really.  I said that.  And I could sense us both shifting from shock to something like being on alert.  Turns out the young man who hit us was traveling a little fast and driving his mom's car.  He kept saying, "Bummer, Bummer"...  That was just the beginning.

Don found some straps in the car and tied the doors shut.  I got in the back seat and we drove our mashed car home.  Right away Don started to do all those things you do like talk to our insurance agent, get an estimate, etc., etc.  Our insurance company was awesome.  We even got a call at one point from the "Total Loss" department in Kansas from someone named Luke James who said he wanted us to know they were praying for us--since Don had spoken to them from the hospital as I was getting a test.  Really?  Luke James?  Haha...

So, we soon saw that there were 3 stories going on here all at once.  One was the wreck and all the people with whom we came into contact through that.  The second was the response of our family and community to our needs.  Within a day our kids had offered a car, two friends had offered theirs and finally a local car dealer gave us a loaner for as long as we needed it.  I'm telling you!  We are so blessed.  

The third part of the story is so heartwarming.  You see, in addition to my having married Stability, I also married a "car guy".  Don is and has always been very "attuned" to great cars.  The car that has excited him the last several years has been the Subaru WRX-STI.  What fun it would be to have that car.  We've also thought it a little small, sort of hard to get in and out of and we've known it was WAY out of our price range.  After we learned that our insurance company was giving us much more than our little Zucchini was worth (probably thanks to Luke James) Don began to look around town for a replacement.  He saw an ad online for a car that interested him and went to look at it.  I stayed home.  Before too long, I got a text:  "I'm buying a car", he said.  I texted back, "Wahoo!"  He texted me, "Yup".  What happened was this:  he drove up to the car, a Subaru Legacy Outback and noticed a little "XT" on the rear.  XT means this car has a slightly de-tuned WRX-STI engine and an WRX interior.  Can you imagine what that's like for someone who's heart really does go pitty-pat when he sees a great car?  So that's what we're driving now.  I love it because it's blue and silver (!) AND because it is comfortable and secure AND, most of all, it brings joy to the heart of my man.

There are no coincidences.  We have a great and Good God.

We have an appointment

We have an appointment.  August 21 at 8:30 a.m. at the University of Washington Medical Center for Surgical Oncology.  We're calling this a surgical consult but will no more tomorrow.  Just wanted all you wonderful people know... 

Round-about way to do things

Seems like a round-about way to do things but I'm sure it keeps them from being pestered by "whomever"...  Apparently the Cancer Center people got the referral from my oncologist in Sequim and mailed us a letter!  A letter?  Really?  The onc. PA called us with this information and suggested we check the mail.  Hahaha...  Seems sort of archaic, but...OK.  So I walked out to the mail box and sure enough there was a very thin envelop with the number I am to call to make an appointment.  It was from the University of Washington Medical Center Surgical Specialty Center.  So I called the number and got an answering machine.  Here we are, waiting for a call again.  I'm fine.  Don is pretty impatient.  There only needs to be one impatient person, right?  I'll let it be him.

There's a place here in Port Angeles lovingly referred to as "The Spit".  It's a strip of land that separates the PA harbor from the Straights of Juan de Fuca and forms our lovely deep harbor.  It's a favorite drive of ours to go out on The Spit and look first at the town, what ships are in harbor, check out the mountains--snow, no snow?--.  Then we turn and look out across the Straits toward Victoria, British Columbia.  Big water.  Big ships.  So amazing.  Very refreshing.  So we're going to go there right now.  And wait for a phone call.  Will it come today?  I don't know.

While we wait....

While we wait for a phone call from SCCA (Seattle Cancer Care Alliance), I thought I'd share with you a little reading that I keep going back to over and over... because I need reminding over and over!  Here it is:

 "Sit quietly in my presence while I bless you.  Make your mind like a still pool of water, ready to receive whatever (!) thoughts I drop into it.  Rest in My sufficiency, as you consider the challenges this day presents.  Do not wear yourself out by worrying about whether you can cope with the pressures.  Keep looking to Me and communicating with Me, as we walk through this day together.

Take time to rest by the wayside, for I am not in a hurry.  A leisurely pace accomplishes more than hurried striving.  When you rush, you forget who you are and Whose you are.  Remember that you are royalty in My kingdom."

This is from a little book called "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young.  The scriptures that apply are Psalm 37:7, Romans 8:16-17, I Peter 2:9...and probably many more but those are the ones she lists.

I love sitting in my chair these days, looking out at the trees, sky and birds and quieting my mind so I can listen well...  

Blessings on you my family and friends.  

 


 

I thought we should move to Ellensburg!

I thought we should move to Ellensburg...Washington, that is.  Now the thought just makes me laugh!  About 3 weeks ago I'd had it with the dreary weather, feeling kind of like withdrawing from polite society.  What a great idea, I thought.  I looked online and found cute little ranch houses on 1/2-acre parcels, sunshine, mountains in the distance.  I rationalized downsizing, closer to children (by 1/2 hour).  Don was semi-agreeable, wanting nothing but for me to be happy.  I secretly harbored this idea for about 2 weeks and then mentioned it to a friend whose story is similar to mine in the "moving around" parts.  So she was ready to come with me!  Then I mentioned this idea to my friend JoDee.  Big Mistake!  (Or actually, good move.)  She is a truth teller, sees clearly, knows my story, can tell it like it is--very passionately.  Basically she told me it was a very bad idea.  The part that gripped my heart was this,  "and you can withdraw from people and make it ok to move!"  Truth.  Ouch!  Yikes.  She had me.  I believe God spoke through her.

In my growing up years I lived with my mother from the age of nine, parents having divorced.  My mom was wonderful in many ways but she was always looking for the next place to move to, growing dissatisfied over and over with wherever situation was at hand. We moved around a lot!  As a result of this early life experience I've been prone to dissatisfaction and its accompanying difficulties.  Fortunately for me, I married Stability! 

Anyway... now I have cancer.  I cannot, cannot imagine being anywhere but here--in this beautiful place with an amazing support system (people who truly love and know me), nearby to my family, settled in with wonderful medical care, etc., etc.  You get the picture.  I pray that my heart  remains focused in this place of Peace, where God has given me the desires of my heart, where this new chapter is about to unfold.  I am in the exact place He has ordained I should be.  He has established me here, has grown me up in many ways.

Scripture, which guides me day by day, says, "..;and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live."    I want what He wants!  Ellensburg?!  Not now.  It makes me smile.  Good lesson.

Today is a new day.

Today is a new day.  And I've received new information regarding The Intruder.  I have what is called Neuro Endocrine Cancer.  Go ahead and google it if you must but frankly, I know all I want to at the moment.  Here's what I know.  This Intruder in my liver originated somewhere in my gastro-intestinal tract and is very difficult to find.  I will soon be evaluated by the Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) Liver Team.  (How would you like to be part of the Liver Team?  Hmmm.  Heart Team?  That sounds more appealing.)  This will be a hard battle.

We should hear this coming Monday or Tuesday about when we are to make our way to Seattle.  They will assume my care and ask for any more tests needed and make a plan.  I still will see Dr. Kummet in Sequim for things they are able to provide...closer to home.

So how, you may wonder, are we doing? The short answer is, very well, thank you.  But here is the longer answer.  We have a strategy for going through this chapter of our lives with grace and strength and Peace that passes all human understanding.  We really do have a Good Shepherd that is wildly able to lead us in the best possible way, that gives us confidence that we can trust Him and that he will never, ever leave us.  What better way to live Life!  There's lots more I could say on this subject but for now, that's our bottom line.  So whenever I start to look into the future with useless speculation or whenever those who don't understand this try to go in that direction in their conversations with me...I feel very free to share my philosophy with them. "We also pray that you will be strengthened with all His glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need...and may you be filled with joy".  (Col. 1:11) There's only one way that's gonna happen, my dear friends.  And that is if what Jesus says is true and I believe deeply that it is. 

Thank you all for loving me and my dear husband and children so well.  Our support system is AMAZING.  What would we ever do?? 

I know you want to know...

August 8, 2012

I know you want to know what I wore to my appointment.  (Apologies to you men who read this and just don’t care.)  I wore my GapBody sweats, a soft dark purple t-shirt and my yellow Chico zip sweatshirt that I found at Goodwill!  So comfy.

When we arrived for our 2-hour appointment I had with me Don, my good friend JoDee, daughters Debbie and Susan.  (We had to bring in an extra chair.)  Quite the party.  I was so glad they all had come.  Everyone has a part to play.  Between all of us we heard what was said and I was able to rest knowing I wasn’t there alone.  We laughed and joked.  It was easy.

The outcome of my oncologist appointment was encouraging, but then we still don’t have the full story.  The encouraging part is that they may be able to remove the cancerous portion of my liver and still have plenty left to live with.  The scan of my chest came out clear.  My blood work was good.  Really, I’m quite healthy except for CANCER! 

Dr. Kummet said we will next pursue getting lined up with the surgeons at Seattle Cancer Care Alliance (SCCA) for an evaluation of me being a good surgical candidate.

Now we await the results of the Seattle lab that is working on my tissue samples that will tell more of the story.  My cancer is small-cell cancer, atypical (not usual) for a primary liver cancer.  So it may be originating some place else we haven’t yet explored, so to speak.

Dr. Kummet’s prescription for us was to go home and rest.  So I was very obedient and, after a good lunch, went to bed and slept for 2 ½ hours!  Blissful.

Parts of Psalm 16 that comfort my soul:  “Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to you for refuge.  Lord, you alone are my inheritance, my cup of blessing.  You guard all that is mine.  The land you have given me is a pleasant land.  What a wonderful inheritance!  I will bless the Lord who guides me, even at night my heart instructs me.  I know the Lord is always with me.  I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.  No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.  My body rests in safety.”

It all started when...

August 7, 2012

It all started when I went to a luncheon—on July 27.  It is now August 7.  It is hard to believe it has only been 11 days.  Today I meet for the first time with my oncologist.

The luncheon was at my friend Shelley’s house.  She had thought of everything to make the food and conversation beautiful.  We ate and we laughed.  After carefully picking at the chocolate swirl cheesecake, though, I began to have the feeling I might lose my beautiful lunch.  So I discretely went in to the bathroom until the feeling subsided and went home shortly after my little episode.  Came home, went to bed.

I slept and rested for a couple of hours, got up and went to tell my husband, Don, that I thought I might be having a gallbladder attack.  He said call the doctor.  I did and they said, “Go to the emergency room”.  We did.

So…I don’t want this just to be about my discovering the alien form known as “cancer” living in my body.  (I have actually named this alien “The Intruder”.  An intruder is someone who’s not supposed to be where they are!)  There is so much more to my story than the cancer story.  In fact, this cancer is a small blip in a much, much larger story of which I am a part.  I would call myself an out-of-the-box believer in Jesus.  I trust the One who knows me best, leads me, shepherds me, loves me, speaks to me, never leaves me.  I say “out-of-the-box” because I have found walking this walk anything but predictable or boring, anything but a list of rules to follow (shudder), anything but lifeless.  And I am privileged to walk through life with some amazing family and friends.

In between telling you my progress through cancer, I’d like to tell you some of my story. 

I must go get dressed for my appointment.  (Hmm..what shall I wear?)